Sorrow

I rise in the morning and stumble off to take a shower. The water is scorching hot. I cringe and pull back from the pain.

I chop vegetables and injure myself on the index finger. Blood seeps through. I place my lips on the wound.

I hike up a mountain and two days later I can feel the soreness in my glutes and my shins. It hurts.

I drink water and then continue with my Taekwondo. I get a stitch in my side. I have to stop.

I am alive. I feel, I experience, I continue everyday, moving past those pangs, pricks, stings and aches. They are testaments to the fragility and strength of our bodies. I welcome those sensations.

Everyday, I wake up in the same bed and everything resurfaces. The aches and twinges go away with time as the body heals from the inside out. And you can feel your body healing and it's a daily little miracle.

But memory, memory is not a flesh wound. It jump starts the anguish that grows, not fades away.

They say pain heals with time; all pain. But with me and with time, the hurt, the torment, the torture, the agony, the woe, the grief...they grow. And now I have a full-blown tree inside me, black with misery.

Each day, each branch grows an inch and I can feel myself stretch from exertion. I am becoming misshapen, distorted, a mutated form of what was.

I have tried several doors. They are locked. I have no keys.

I have no tools, I cannot pick them.

I have no strength, I cannot break them down.

I have no love, I cannot sweet-talk them.

I am here, in this windowless room, my body taking root in the ashy ground of despair, staring at impenetrable barriers.

And I know. I know what I must do.


Pneumonia - Bjork

Get over the sorrow, girl

The world is always going
To be made of this

You can trust in it
Unless you breathe in
Bravely

I adore how you

Simply

Surrender to high

High

And your lungs

They're mourning
T-b style

All the still-born love
That could have happened
All the moments
You should have embraced
All the moments
You should have not locked up

Understand so clearly
To shut yourself up
Would be the hugest crime of them all

Hugest crime

Of them all
You're just crying

After all

Do not want them

Humans around

Anymore

Get over that sorrow, girl

Get over it