How to Disappear Completely

How to Disappear Completely- Radiohead

It is time. I have spent enough time doing things for others, trying to make things work, trying to repay debts, trying to keep relationships alive and well. Now is my time and I know what to do.

Now, it is time for me. I embark upon a journey unknown, a future unknown, a life unplanned, without expectation, except to find myself.

One day, perhaps, I will return. Perhaps I will be stronger. Perhaps I will have a sense of self that will not fade or hide or die. Perhaps I will be what I've always wanted.

Now, it is time. Time to disappear completely.

Catch and Release

What can I say? You brought me the greatest joy...and ultimately the most unbearable pain. I wonder everyday if it was all worth it.

The truth of the matter is...everyday I don't know.

Perhaps I never will.

 Catch

It is so.

Your fuck-a-foreigner fantasy…
Fulfilled.

One more tick off your list.
And poof…I am forgotten.

You have planted a seed
Inside me

A forget-me-not

And I am feverish with
The memories I once believed
Were real.

Love?
An illusion I once blindly subscribed to.

But you knew.
The truth and the lies to bestow
Upon an unsuspecting soul.

I scratch at my full-body rash
And rivulets of blood
Run down in a slow trickle.

I cannot rid myself of
That which you have planted.

It has already taken root.

I am here: poisoned.

You are there: conscience clear.


Release

The sun has set.
Dusk fades into black.

It is quiet,
The air, still
My mind heavy.

I release the memory of us,
You are free
From me
What we had
And what could have been.

I was difficult.
Perhaps.

You were difficult
And never let me try.

I was yours,
Completely.

I realize now
You were never mine.

Zombie

Like a zombie rising
I walk through my days
In slow motion

Wading through the muck
Neck-deep
My face exposed to the elements

Stripping away what’s left of my life

All the mistakes
I’ve made

All the lies
I’ve uncovered

All the betrayal
I’ve experienced

I’m tired

This life was not what I wanted.